For my own sanity, I have to assume that she is shoplifting pork roasts in her shirt. Simply because there is no possible way those are what you think they are. They can’t be, I refuse to believe it. Don’t try to reason with me.

Arkansas

I guarantee that nobody in the country HAS ever, CAN ever, or WILL ever rock out as hard as these two in Walmart. End of story.

Arkansas

Good call on the Bud Light, your skull friend looks a little thirsty. I would recommend something non-alcoholic because it was probably too many Bud Lights that resulted in the skull tat in the first place.

Louisiana

I’m not sure if hiring a stylist from Whoville is the best career move, but who really knows?

Florida

I guess today was Take-Your-Inmate-Shopping Day.

Tennessee

You have to let the belly air out every now and then. They are called sweatpants for a reason.

Tennessee

If a flannel can fall in love with a polka dot then there is hope for us all.

Colorado

Who wakes up and says, “I think I’m gonna put on some tight ass spandex pants, tuck them into my socks, then put some killer gray spandex shorts on over my pants. Now I just have to double up on my shirts and I’m golden!”

Alabama

You’re probably not New Era’s target demographic but it adds to the creepiness and somehow matches that jacket, and I like that about you

Tennessee

I see you got this whole cross-dressing Shrek thing going for you. Not sure it’s the best look to go with, but that’s your call.

Texas