For my own sanity, I have to assume that she is shoplifting pork roasts in her shirt. Simply because there is no possible way those are what you think they are. They can’t be, I refuse to believe it. Don’t try to reason with me.

Arkansas

Good call on the Bud Light, your skull friend looks a little thirsty. I would recommend something non-alcoholic because it was probably too many Bud Lights that resulted in the skull tat in the first place.

Louisiana

Well I can’t think of a good reason NOT to have an eagle and flames on my trench coat, other than the obvious one of having friends.

Tennessee

Let’s all take a minute to appreciate the irony of jamming the “healthy choice” down the back of your ass.

Louisiana

C’mon buddy! Nobody matches the socks with the booty shorts! It takes focus away from the tookus, and you just don’t do that.

Kentucky

I now have to assume that you are the most famous person in the world.

Georgia

Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Texas

I think she just hangs out in the toy section all day waiting for someone to buy her and take her home.

Unknown

I would like to see some of the other options that you disregarded when narrowing your choices down to these two gems. Was “winning the lottery” and “finding a sugar momma” too high of bars for you to set for yourself?

Kansas

Georgia