I would like to see some of the other options that you disregarded when narrowing your choices down to these two gems. Was “winning the lottery” and “finding a sugar momma” too high of bars for you to set for yourself?

Kansas

You do understand that the purpose of a shirt is to cover yourself up? Even tank-tops should theoretically cover the majority of your upper body. Unless you were shrunk by like a foot and a half while shopping, which if that’s the case, I apologize.

California

Oh hey, I have a fantastic idea. I’m going to walk around Walmart dressed like a creepy goblin that feasts on little children.

Louisiana

I’m just going to go ahead and say it. Everyone knows it’s taboo to wear your horse tail and flame boots after Labor Day! There, I said it, it’s out on the table now!

Unknown

PoWM Hall of Famer Willy the Pimp has officially “gone green”. He no longer leaves a carbon footprint, but won’t hesitate to leave that handprint across your face.

Florida

Well if the Cowboys want to call themselves “America’s Team”, they need to have a true American cheerleader. I think we have found her.

Arizona

Trust me, you REALLY don’t want to see who came in second.

Mississippi